Before I even start going into the whole high school experience of my life. I think it’s important to backtrack a little, and go into the last year of my middle school experience, at least what I remember of it.
I hated middle school. I was a loser, and there was no point of trying to fit in at school, because that was something that would never happen. I would get made fun of, and called names, and friends were a foreign word in my life.
Like now, back then I was really chubby! (Thank God military school showed me a few tricks to work on that!)
Going to an all African American middle school, in an African American community sucked balls!
I always felt like I had to fit this stereotype. I had to wear tight clothes, and dance, and speak a certain way. Even though I’m only 13 I had to know all the boys that were older than me and I had to have a boyfriend that went to the worst school in the neighborhood.
I also had to know who the gang bangers were, and what color not to wear. It was all very unnecessary.
Even to this day I would say I didn’t have a style. However majority of my middle school wardrobe was very much tomboyish! I wore black dickies and a white polo everyday while the other girls wore a tight fitting white shirt and black jeans.
The couple of girls I was ok with, soon abandoned me to be with the other more popular girls. I can’t blame them now that I think back on it. I was comfortable not wanting more out of middle school, while they desired popularity! At least when everyone was making fun of me they didn’t join in!
In the beginning of middle school, I wanted to feel accepted; I wanted to fit in so much.
But when this dream wasn’t becoming a reality I made it my virtual reality. I would go on networking sites, and make myself become this person who I wanted to be! I could be skinny, light skinned, long hair, and older! I could tell any body anything and they would have to believe me. Eventually I lost myself, and eventually I believed I was the person I created. I talked to mainly guys. It was the attention I never had and I loved it.
Even though this life felt real, at the end of each day when I logged off my computer, I knew that it wasn’t real. When guys wanted to meet this perfect girl, it started with phone conversations. I really felt amazing when guys started asking for my number. I only talked to about 3 guys over the phone. One guy really stood out to me. He was amazingly cute on his profile pic, and he had a different conversation, than I was use to hearing from guys his age on the phone. He, like the others fell for who I was pretending to be. But my conscious started kicking in the more we talked. I told him only half the truth. Little things, like “I’m really not that skinny girl in the pic, and my hair isn’t that long. I’m not light skinned either!” He was happy I told him what he believed was the whole truth, and he still wanted a relationship. He had no clue that I was still in middle school, and only 13, where as he was in high school and 16.
Three months of phone conversations and instant messaging and he wanted to meet.
Now, I am a very smart girl, and through out my blogs, you will see that. I just have terrible judgment when it comes to love, and guys. I went to a boys and girls club, and we were always taught to be safe on the Internet, and never to meet someone you met online in person!
But I did it anyways!
He met me near my boys and girls club, where he thought I worked!
He called me and told me he was outside, and I left the boys and girls club! Older teens did it all the time. So when I walked out, the lady at the desk was use to kids coming in and out all day.
We walked around the neighborhood, and I felt safe and terrified at the same time. Only because there were lots of people out that knew me, and because there was lots of people out that knew me. If I was to come up missing or something, someone would be able to say, “This is who she was with at this time!” but if someone was to mention where I went to school, my age or grade, he would never talk to me again! Not to mention my mother worked right across the street as well! We went into the library. It was quiet! So if I should need to scream, who wouldn’t hear me?!!
He wanted to make out, and I never been kissed before. I had no clue WTF I was doing!
Thus the reason I currently do not like tongue kissing! (Sorry Snuggle bunny!)
Thus the reason I currently do not like tongue kissing! (Sorry Snuggle bunny!)
When he left I went back to the boys and girls club like nothing happened.
I emailed an older friend (Like in her 20’s) about what happened. She was a mentor and my parents knew her and trusted her. Where I went wrong and got caught was when I emailed her off my mother’s phone, about the experience and forgot to sign off!
Two days later, I was sleep on the couch. I had a dream that him and I were on a train. But on different carts. His cart was going off a cliff. He called for me to grab his hand.
I reach for him. But I couldn’t hold on. When I woke up, I was crying.
My parents and sister sat on the other couch. They asked me multiple questions and I lied my ass off. Then they showed me phone records, and emails that I sent. It was all down hill from there.
I lost my families respect and trust; I put multiple children lives in danger. People didn’t look at me the same. Not even the staff at the boys and girls club! I seriously sparked a whole meeting at that club on security and internet safety!
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